Need to Express!

     So, I'm sitting here this morning with a list of things to do, mixed messages in my heart and precious time with Jesus spent...I suddenly realize I have not "blogged" in almost a year!  Hoping that my expression of words will help me make decisions - help me conquer fears - help me along my path to being what God called me to be.

     Hebrews 5:8 "though He (Jesus) was a Son, yet He learned obedience by the things which He suffered."

     Don't get me wrong - I am not by any means "suffering" in the typical ways one would think a person living internationally might suffer (although when it's 101* under the fan in the house it's a bit of a shocker).  It's the inner me - the heart that fears.  Fear of failure.  Fear of driving.  Fear of loneliness.  More than anything - fear of not pleasing God.  And sometimes this fear just paralyzes me.  The outcome:  nothingness...unproductive...unuseful

     Jesus, as the example, learned obedience through his suffering.  We do tend to think of the physical suffering that Jesus endured as the suffering Paul was referring to.  But - maybe Jesus had some fear in His heart as well? Maybe, being 100% man He feared having the strength to go to the Cross?  Maybe, the loneliness that enveloped Him in the Garden was not unusual? What about the constant crowds...we seem to hear often that he was disturbed during His times of rest.  More than anything, what if his "suffering" didn't make a difference?

     However, acting in obedience his suffering did make a difference! Verse 9 goes on to say "and having been perfected, He became the author of eternal salvation to all who obey Him..."  We have salvation because of his humanity - his fear, yet his willingness.  With Him as my example, I am called to overcome my fears and the personal desires of my heart to be what God called me to be.  Walking in obedience might produce loneliness...but I need not fear the reprimands of God.  Walking in obedience I will not fail because I will be leaning on Him. Walking in obedience my life will make a difference.

     One problem still remains...driving.  Even Jesus rode a colt and not a horse...maybe a bicycle will have to do?